Ladies these are dating rules
While our male counterparts can confuse the heck out of us Dignity Daters, sometimes they can be the best when it comes to dishing out dating advice.
If that describes you, back in the saddle again after a hiatus, divorce or widowhood, know that yes, the rules have changed—and for the better.Your friend, colleague or mother might tell you this rule in a kind attempt to keep you from leaping into a poor match out of post-divorce loneliness, but "these limits are arbitrary, and have nothing to do with when you're really ready to find love again," says Dr. A better rule: Spend time figuring out what you want and then decide when you're ready—either for casual dating or a new relationship. This rule got its start back when nearly all men had more disposable income than women, who were probably dating while still living in their parents' home."You have to let go of the old relationship, and when that will happen is not the same for everyone," says Dr. For more advice about figuring out how to navigate the dating scene after a divorce, click here. These days, not only are you not a jobless youngster, but you might be more financially secure than your date.It's easy to think that if you don't feel the tingle at the outset—or at the very least, the first kiss—there's no way you're going to make it over the long haul.But that sort of thinking might cause you to overlook the quiet-but-intriguing guy whose company you enjoy even though you don't feel a spark just yet.If you make a man your whole life, he’s going to lose interest because he will most likely feel smothered!
Remember, he fell in love with the dynamic “you” who has her own interests and passions who wanted to make him a part of your life, not the whole darn thing.
"You want to be open and honest and not act as though your history is a taboo subject," says Dr. A better rule: "Think of talking about a past relationship as a way to communicate what you want out of a new relationship," says Dr. Just save certain insights––such as how you learned that you prefer a man who loves his family, which your ex did not––for when you're ready to take your relationship to the next level.
Photo: i Stockphoto The reason this rule gained traction is that making strong views known used to be seen as unladylike.
A better rule: "Sexual chemistry is important, but you may not feel it initially," says Dr. "It can develop after you've known someone for a while." That said, adds Dr. " If you're truly not feeling it, it's better to let things go gently now rather than hang around waiting and hoping for a match to flare. Don't reveal your desire for children, a new career or any other life goal.
It's mighty old-fashioned to be so demure with a new guy that you don't reveal your true wishes for what you want out of life.
But conversely, believing you should have sex after a specific number of dates can feel artificial, not to mention scary in some cases.